Who hasn’t seen the ‘90s movie “Groundhog Day”? One day repeats itself, over and over again, until the protagonist recognizes it.
Repetition not only helps me to remember something or strengthens my physical body, it also allows me to move into a new life experience.
The biggest difference is that I am not always aware when repetition occurs. But ones recognized, I can choose differently.
The Set Up
Obviously, repetition also occurs in my experience. A good example is my past behavior towards conflict. When different opinions collided, I withdrew to AVOID potential opposition.
While growing up in Germany, I loved playing football. My best friend and I often had different opinions on what to do or play. As I wanted to join others to play football, he wanted to play computer games. So I ended up spending my afternoon indoors.
Throughout my life, I repeated the same behavior when conflict was in the air. Because of its recurring nature, it created a sense of familiarity and comfort. At one point, my behavior became so automated that I stopped recognizing it.
Increasing Tension
In my professional life as a business consultant, relationships with customers were often about finding balance between feasibility and expectation.
During one project, I never felt connected with my project manager. I disliked his communication style and his way of representing the team. Halfway through the project, a customer complaint about the lack of progress in my area of responsibility. I responded and shared evidence that it was because of the unavailability of customer resources. Yet, my project manager communicated it differently.
He made it sound as if my lack of guidance caused it. Even though I was upset and felt mistreated, I shied away from approaching him to express my discontentment.
Many more life situations echoed similar behavior. The difference was my increasing emotional discomfort.
Climactic Experience
Within romantic relationships, I often felt to be the one who needs to “makes things work”.
This behavior, was another flavor of me avoiding conflict. In one specific relationship, there were more than enough reasons for “unpleasant” conversations. Yet, I kept avoiding them. But this time, it was different. I couldn’t make myself feel less uncomfortable.
As time progressed with no “relief” insight, I felt “stuck”. My echo chamber of constant discomfort created a rapid decline in my self-esteem. I started feeling hopeless.
New Opportunity
Because I did not recognize the situation I was in and therefore prolonged my intense emotional experience, I pushed myself to do what I would have never considered before. It was something that I perceived as unnecessary and rather uncomfortable.
I shared my feelings in front of others. (including my partner)
My newfound expressiveness not only gave rise to a sense of relief but also to clarity. Through conversations, I saw my situation more holistically and less confined. A new found situational acuity provided an unfamiliar experience. A loosening up and movement occurred. My relationship started to “unstuck” itself.
Movement into Creativity
As simple and obvious as it might seem, it has been a tremendous revelation and realization for me. I not only saw it in my personal but also in my professional experiences.
Repetition makes it possible for things to be seen. My emotions are key to gradually support my recognition.
I can then make a choice to either go back to what is known or move into something unknown.
In my described situation of feeling stuck, I already made a choice but could not recognize it. I moved on, but got caught up in the residue of remaining resistance that spiraled into intensifying emotions and feelings. The big difference was, that I could not oppose it – I stayed with the experience. It was like a prolonged boot camp to cultivate my sensitivity by engaging into discomfort. It allowed me to move into a new space of awareness.
Similar to the movie “Groundhog Day”. Phil’s recognition of the repeating day created an opportunity to discover a new perspective. Moving his experience from REPETITION to CREATIVITY.
